Luminita D. Saviuc, of PurposeFairy.com on… 5 Powerful Ways to Boost Your Child’s Self-Esteem
“I hate the way I look” your child mutters turning away from the mirror in anger.
Or perhaps, “everyone is smarter than me” or “I’m no good at sports” or “I just can’t do anything right!”
The list goes on, and for children with low self-esteem, it’s a long one.
You try explaining to your child why they are wrong, you point out other people’s failings (after all, no one is perfect), you comfort them and help them find ways of improving, you even talk to their teachers… but nothing seems to help. Your child’s confidence is in the pits and you don’t know what else to do.
It’s a heart-breaking situation for any parent and an incredibly disempowering one for your child. Fortunately, it’s not an insurmountable one.
Because you see, self-esteem is about confidence, about being able to esteem or admire ourselves, and the problem is simply that your child doesn’t know how to do that.
When a child has low self-esteem:
– they are making incorrect assumptions and setting unrealistic expectations about themselves.
– they are unaware of their own abilities.
– they are inaccurately comparing themselves to others.
– they lack courage to be themselves.
– they feel disempowered.
Each of these is about your child not being able to accurately assess their skills, ability, intellect, or performance. And since nobody really teaches them how to do it, is it any surprise they are struggling?
Fortunately, this is something you can teach them.
And these 5 strategies can help.
1. Learn What you Can and Cannot Change
Our behaviors are things we can change, our identity we cannot. This is important to understand because it helps children separate the things that they do from the person they are.
It’s the difference between saying “I said something mean to someone” and “I am a mean person.”
A child may do something they are not proud of, but that is something they can change. It doesn’t mean that they are unworthy of admiration on the whole.
Here are some ways to practice separating behaviors from identity:
– when you hear your child speaking negatively about themselves, help them understand whether those feelings relate to a behavior or their identity.
– help your child identify ways of improving the behaviors they don’t like.
– point out positive behavior and celebrate the fact that your child made those choices.
– share instances when you or others are blurring this distinction and invite your child to break down the behaviors from the identity.
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